Tom Le

My experience of love this far: I feel like im very drawn to love, not just the love between two lovers, but that rare unconditional love that comes with full acceptance, the full understanding, the typ of love that makes you feel seen, heard and that you matter. To be honest i havnt felt this so much during my upbringing, i have a hard time remember when i was capable of feeling this much, both being open to receive, giving but also being lead and drawn by it. My early childhood was filled with alot of conflicts, like screaming, yelling and even some beating. My parents always told me that they love me and thats why they had to beat me. Not only do we get conditioned by society what love is but imagine how this would fuck with ur view of love. Not only that but as my dad left us for good and my mom being burned out/depressed me and my sibling kept up with the conflicts between us. It was rare for me to really feel that full acceptance of who we were and what we could be. It was like we were dragging each other down to stick with what we knew the best, chaos. It wasnt safe but at the same time it was completley safe. It was our way of loving, it was our way of connecting, our way of saying hey, ur not alone, im just as fucked up as you are. I dont know if its the amazing music that im listening to right now that creates the mood but writing this got me tearing up. But this is also why im grateful, im very grateful for i have experience what true love is. I was able to receive it through alot of meditation, removing inner conflicts, conditions, stay in whats frightening me the most and learn to be okay with it. Slowly, slowly the lil guy inside felt safe to come out and play, he felt worthy of love, love in a complete way, both being able to receive it and also give love to a place where it is genuine and empathic. And im thankful for that my journey has led my to this group. Having calls with Thomas is fucking amazing, the emotions that would come up during these calls just from hearing his voice alone is sometimes so beautiful that i get teary eyes. I feel so touched by the words that its crazy. How can a person like me that used to have so many walls up being so open to this stranger that i have only met through this group, that i occasionally talk to via messenger, and that sometimes sends me photos of him smiling, haha thats fucking hilarious btw. Its not just Thomas alone, but now that ive been connecting with many of the people in this group i would like to say your guys are totally fucking amazing. Everyone has been so open and loving, non judgmental and welcoming. Amazing loving people that truly and genuinely wants others the best. As much as i would say that i welcome love i also sometimes feel a resistance to it, i definitely had in the past. It something familiar but yet strange, it awakes curiousity but at the same time it can be a bit frightening to let go, let go of something we’ve know our whole life. But maybe thats just it, you have to let go in order to fall, in order to fall deeply in love.